Max's Lipstick

So, the Nugget has been sick all weekend, Team. His little cough is super pathetic. Also, after no sleep for three days, I'm really, really pretty.

Today, I carefully gave him a bath, shined him up, got him dressed for Mr. Newsfeed to take him to the pediatrician, and he immediately found a lipstick with which to draw all over himself. To be fair, Elizabeth Arden lipstick smells like candy, and even I want to snack on it.

Max's Lipstick 002

I typed out this list of questions for Anthony to hand the Doctor when they get there. I really hope he only reads the first couple and gets board (like he usually does) and hands it to the man. I'll let you know how it goes.

Things to Ask Dr. Fricker:
1.       Please check the diaper area. It’s all splotchy for the first time in a long time.
2.       He hasn’t been saying all the words he knows and sometimes won’t even say mama and dada.
3.       He has a gnarly cough.
4.       Does the baby have emphysema?
5.       Can Mormon babies even get emphysema?
6.       The baby is a terrible driver. Should we have him in classes for that? Do you think we need to hire some sort of specialist?
7.       He gets really upset and sweaty when we have him raking leaves for more than a few hours. We offer to let him start on the garage instead but he just gets even more distraught.
8.       What’s the proper amount of Tylenol to give a little baby fever? I’ve been going 2:1:1. Tylenol to milk to booze. Are those little Tylenol bottles recyclable, because we have a mountain of them at our house?
9.       What’s the appropriate age to expect the baby to play Beethoven because we’ve been chaining him to the piano for at least the amount of time recommended by that Tiger Mom and we got nuthin’ to show for it.
10.   He’s been biting, Mr.Elmo has. Can you please, please explain to him why it’s important not to bite the baby.
11.  That's lipstick under Max's fingernails, not blood. Yeah, we know that doesn't make us look any better.


nekoknits said...

OMG hilarious! And yes Tylenol bottles are recyclable, don't worry too much biting stage doesn't last long thankfully husbands are considered adults so my suggestion is to treat the habit as you would a dog. Rolled up newspaper to the nose works best for that habit =)

Jess Pendleton Caraway said...


Cierra said...

Oh my! You keep me rollin Lacy!

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